Stop hurting us.

Dear men who think it doesn’t hurt us,

I want to say that while the media is dominated by white males who make decisions to portray women as non-human and as objects, it hurts us.

An uphill battle to try and salvage our self-esteems and our poise, which you create by gazing a little longer at the altered and augmented image on that television, movie, magazine, or whatever it is…it hurts us.

Teaching my son that his only option to be a, “real man,” is to treat women as pawns in their lives who have less importance and who can be manipulated and maneuvered for their own gain…it hurts us, and it hurts him. Ultimately it hurts us all, including you.

Please stop telling my daughter that the only thing that matters about her is her looks. Well, and maybe also her ability to care for the people in her lives without any recognition whatsoever. And even creating/promoting cartoons in her life that portray women in abusive or otherwise demeaning roles as heroines. That is crap.

Please stop telling me that I am a bitch if I share my opinions. I would appreciate it if you also stopped to think about what I am saying and keep your mouth still for just a few minutes so that I don’t get talked-over or interrupted. What I have to say might really matter…and not just to me.

When you think it is benign that you share with other guys around you a thought about a female (that you have made into a commodity for the purposes of your conversation) and it is overheard by a woman. A dignified human being. You hurt her. And you hurt the other guys…even the ones laughing or  participating with you. You are hurting everyone.

Don’t be fooled. Images that you look at or desire affect the women and little girls around you. We are smarter and more perceptive than you think – and we do take it personally. Even from a very young age.

Please, once you have set this whole cycle into place by acting this way toward your young daughters and other young girls in your life, don’t belittle their struggle to find true personhood and value in their lives. That hurts us too.

I am trying to remain hopeful about your consideration of these suggestions. Despite all the evidence to the contrary.

Sincerely,

The Women In Your Lives